Asylum

Not willing to wait around to see who would die next, three enterprising young hens applied for asylum in a coop in Denver. With the help of one of the co-opers, they drafted a plea, although it took some time for their document to be understood. "I can barely read this chicken scratch," Sabrina said. "Why don't you just dictate to me and I'll fill out the forms."

Mr. Pants indicated that previous statements given to a reporter have now endangered her life. She had mentioned illegal activities and hinted that the mafia might be behind all this, and now she's been labeled a stool pigeon. "Can you imagine? To be associated with pigeons? Everyone knows they're filthy birds. The rats of the bird kingdom." Not only is she offended, she lives in fear every moment. "If I wasn't a target before, I certainly am now. Now that they think I'm a snitch. My days are numbered. Please help."

Crystal Meth said that she fears she's likely to die next, not from a pair of cement boots, but from her own addictions. "I was never willing to get treatment before, but all this death has really made me see how precious life is. If you'll allow me in to your sanctuary, I'll follow through with rehab. I'll be a better chicken. I want to live a cleaner life."

Neil Young requested preferential treatment, due to her celebrity status. "I know we like to think we live in an egalitarian society, but given the way the paparazzi behaves, we celebrities sometimes need to be sheltered from the rest of the population." When asked if she was concerned about the deaths in the coop, she looked puzzled. "Deaths? What are you talking about? I'm just trying to get out of this hole. Get with some hens of my own caliber. Anyway, I'm, like, a pacifist. So I would be against that. Against death. I'm anti-war and anti-death and all that." Noticing that she finally had someone paying attention to her, she continued, "As you go through life, you've got to see the valleys as well as the peaks," then she began to ramble about the good old days. "Back then people closed their eyes and listened to music. Today there's a lot of images that go with the music. A lot of music is crap and it's all commercial and the images are all trying to sell the record."

After several tense weeks of waiting and watching their backs, all three chickens were granted asylum and transported to their new home in Denver.