A Sad, Sad Day

It was a sad, sad day last winter when Penelope, the friendliest and most beloved of all the chickens, was found dead in the coop. The humans say she was probably egg-bound, but the chickens themselves have their own theories. The leghorns, known for their lightening speed, said it was her own fault for getting too friendly with the visitors. "She should have run faster when visitors came around. Visitors have germs. Everyone knows this. Especially the little ones with the runny noses." The rest of the hens dismissed this theory, particularly Deirde, who is sort of an expert on theoretical things. "We hens are immune to the various pustulant illnesses that afflict our visitors. No, I suspect something more sinister..." she lowered her voice, "...I think she may have been murdered in her sleep." A hush fell over the coop.

Penelope was taken out into the yard and was given a ceremonial burial. A candle was passed around and words were spoken in honor of Penny's warmth and vivacity. She will be missed most of all by the neighborhood children, as she was the only chicken they were ever able to catch. Even when they picked her up by the wings, she didn't complain. Even when they petted her too hard and made her head twist into funny angles, she always came back for more. She wasn't a real quick learner, but she sure was friendly.

Chicken Birthday Party!

Great fun was had by all at the chickens' birthday party on Easter Sunday. Neighborhood kids came by to pet the hens, and after the kids went home the grown-ups fired up the cotton candy machine and ate airy blobs of sugar until they were all quite sick. There was a chicken race up the driveway, and (not surprisingly) the Leghorn won. They're quick and wily. The Whig Party posed for this photo in her jaunty birthday hat, and said, "If Millard Fillmore could see me now!"

Painting the Roses Red

The chicken coop got a new coat of paint last weekend, and there has been plenty of squawking about it. The leghorns preferred the pure white base coat, and there were murmurs of favoritism from the Rhode Island Reds when the red paint was applied. The Rhode Islands were certainly pleased with the final result, with the exception of Old Paint who clucked that she preferred the previous finish. Only a few chickens were painted in the process.

The Blue Egg Project

Neil Young is proud to announce the arrival of her long awaited Blue Egg Project. Industry insiders predicted its release last October, but that release date was delayed time and time again while the hen went into seclusion. "I'm most creative when I have time to be alone and gather my thoughts. That's when my artistic genius flourishes." Sources say the delay wasn't entirely the artist's fault. They pointed to the production crew that surrounded the hen with their not-so-helpful advice on The Project.

Pre-production snafus dragged on through the snowy months, leading some insiders to declare the project would never see the light of day. Insider tidbits leaked out about the work in progress, including one rumor that The Project had been cursed by a bitter former employee of Young's, but that was denied by the hen's publicist.

After many tantrums, some strong-arming by industry executives, and lots of well wishing by fans, the Blue Egg Project finally hit the shelves in March. Come on down to the Masala co-op and get your copy today!

The New Chicken Steward

A new chicken steward was appointed this week, replacing that shifty Daji the Fox. The new steward promises that he will not leave his post, even for a moment, but will stay fixed in that same spot, scanning the horizon for predators, listening to the sweet sound of chicken clucks and thinking about the meaning of life. All he asks is that we periodically bring him gifts of quinoa and hippie slop stir-fry when he gets hungry. Maybe some popcorn with nutritional yeast on it for a special treat.

Caught Red Pawed

Daji the Fox was removed from her post as chicken steward when a hole was discovered on the far side of the run. It appeared as though a clever animal of some sort moved several of the large rocks that hold down the chicken wire that surrounds the coop before attempting to tunnel under it. When asked how such a breach of security could have happened on her watch, Daji appeared to be full of dismay.

"I'm not sure how this happened. I patrol the perimeter every day, looking for a way in. For a way in that someone else may have been trying to dig, that is, and then to stop them. I just can't believe you found this hole a mere day before it would have been complete... I mean, I can't believe I didn't find this hole and put a stop to this, as would have been required by my job description."

In these hard economic times it may be unlikely that Daji will be hired anywhere else in the near future, given her spotty work history.

"I may just volunteer my time here for a while, until I get my resume together. You know, just keep an eye on things to make up for what happened."

She licked her lips and looked really, really sad, so the co-opers said it would be ok for her to chill for a while in Kalalau until she got a job somewhere else.

"You gotta pay the $90, though," an officious looking co-oper said.

"No problem, but can I, uh, give you an IOU, for now? I'm a little behind on my bills this month."

"Ok, but expect a late charge. And do your own dishes. I don't care if you don't have opposable thumbs."

Bottom of the Brood

broody

adj broodier, broodiest

1. moody; meditative; introspective

2. wishing to sit on or hatch eggs (when hens "go broody" they will stop laying)

brood

v.intr.

1. To sit on or hatch eggs.

2. To hover envelopingly; loom.

3. a. To be deep in thought; meditate.

b. To focus the attention on a subject persistently and moodily; worry:

c. To be depressed.

Neil Young has been broody for quite some time. "Kids these days don't even know who I am," she frequently says to herself (as none of the other hens will talk to her or allow her to eat with them). "I made Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young what it was. Everybody knows that. Without me they would have been just a bunch of ordinary hens, a bunch of None Hit Wonders..."

A nearby hen let out a cluck of protest, but then quickly went back to ignoring the Ameraucana.

"Ok, ok," Neil Young continued, "CSN had two top 40 singles before I joined them and successful solo albums, but where are they now?" Neil looked glumly around the coop and decided not to continue with this train of thought.

She also refuses to lay eggs.