Haunted Coop

An unexplained event occured last week which led many of the chickens to suspect that perhaps the their coop is haunted.

"It was a dark and stormy night," Mother Clucker began. "We were all lined up on our bench, cozy and warm, when we were awoken by strange sounds coming from the far side of the coop. It was almost like a cluck or a coo, but with a bit of a moan mingled in."

"Like the sound a chicken makes. But not," Bartleby Pollywollydoodah added.

"We listened to these sounds all night, off and on, and were quite unsettled by morning," Mother Clucker continued. "The biggest shock of all came when the door was opened and there, on our bench, were two pale creatures who looked like chickens, but much smaller, and sounded like chickens, but with a most unearthly tinge."

"They bolted when sunlight hit them and raced to the far corner of the run," Lee Smith said. "I'm sure that's empirical evidence that we're dealing with supernatural beings."

"We mobilized ourselves into action!" Mother Clucker proudly boasted. "We're not about to let any little chicken ghosts get up in here and contaminate our food with their ghostly essence. We rallied around the feeder and wouldn't let them near our precious grains."

The leghorns, who most resembled the intruders in color and size, were eager to dominate the smaller creatures whether they were ghosts or not. They managed to get in a few good pecks before one of the humans showed up and whisked the chicken-like beings away.

The leghorns disagree that the beings, who called themselves Gladys and FeatherPants, were ghosts.

"You can't peck a ghost," Rampage! said. "I think what we've got here are zombies. Zombies are well known to frequent these parts. Why, just last year there was a zombie infestation and Kid Chaos had to get 'em all in the brain pan. Probably one of those zombies took a bite out of one of these neighborhood chickens and turned it into a zombie chicken! Zombie Chicken! Zombie Chicken!" Rampage! was quite worked up over her theory, almost enough to go on an actual rampage. Most of the chickens still hold to the ghost theory.

"How did they get into the coop while we were sleeping, smarty-pants?" Mother Clucker said tauntingly. "Zombies can't pass through walls."

"Zombie Chicken! Zombie Chicken!" Rampage said, running around in circles.

Talk To My Agent

Neil Young laid her blue egg in the middle of the run yesterday. She thinks she can do whatever she wants because she's a rockstar? One of the Leghorns, Rampage!, responded by pecking her on her sideburn, effectively kicking her down a notch in the pecking order. "Not fair," Neil Young clucked. "These Leghorns lay their eggs wherever they want. Every day there's a white egg on the long bench in the coop." The Knife interrupted and said she objected to this unfair generalization of all Leghorns. "I laid my egg in a cubby just this morning. Ask the human if you don't believe me. The unemployed one, the one who is always lurking around here. She saw me do it." The Knife then pecked Neil Young on her other sideburn, causing her to slip even further down the social ladder. "Talk to my agent," Neil Young said as she sulked away. The Leghorns cackled behind her back.

Rampage!

I'm Rampage! My full name is Rampage! Baloney Presley. I have the biggest, floppiest comb of all the Leghorns. When I run, which is often, my comb splays out over my face like a jagged piece of balogna. Some people think I look like my cousin Elvis. In my spare time I used to enjoy pecking at and eating styrofoam, but now that the humans have taken it away (grrrr...humans...I mean, squawk... humans) I like to peck at my own poo. I also enjoy laying eggs in inappropriate places.