It happened to me, too!

Emboldened by Deirdre's abduction story, MechWarrior stepped forward today with a similar tale, lending credence to what most had dismissed as a wild fabrication.

"It happened a few weeks ago," Mech Warrior said. "This time, they came during the day instead of at night, and snatched me right out of the run. Either the other hens didn't notice, or the aliens had some of those Men In Black wands they waved around to make everyone forget what they'd seen... Come to think of it, both aliens were wearing black!" MechWarrior's agitation noticeably increased as she continued her tale. "They took me into their pod and put me on a cold white examining table, more like a bin actually, with a drain... I shudder to think what the drain was for..."

"Go on, go on!" Deirdre said.

"Then... one of the aliens held be down by the neck... and the other... did things to my... my..." here her voice dropped an octave... "my egghole!"

Deirdre and the others hens gasped.

"I don't know what they were doing back there, but it took them a long time. I tried to escape once, but they captured me again." MechWarrior fluffed up her feathers and stamped around a bit. "They're lucky I wasn't wearing my Power Armor with HarJel. I would've zapped them with my Jump Jets! They should know better than to mess with a MechWarrior from the House of Liao!"

"What happened next?" Deirdre said, egging her on.

"Well, then they took out this weird silver lazer thing, and blasted my rump with it! I was suddenly flushed with heat. And embarrassment. Luckily after that they let me go back home."

Mr. Pants happened to be scratching for worms nearby and looked up at MechWarrior. "Hey, what happened to your poop?"

"What poop?" MechWarrior said.

"That poop stuck to your butt feathers. You've been dragging it around all month."

"Oh, that poop... It's not there anymore? They've taken it! They've taken my poop! It's not just the neighbors wanting it for their compost, now the aliens are after it too." MechWarrior looked bewildered and proud at the same time. She muttered something about DNA samples and cloning, and then got distracted by a corn cob that was thrown into the run.

"Corn! Corn! Corn!" was her final statement on the matter.

Bollyweird Aliens

Deirdre McCluckskey claims she was abducted by aliens last Friday, and her comments caused quite a stir in a coop already shaken by allegations of ghosts and zombies.

"They came in the night and snatched me while I was sleeping," she said. "There were bright lights and strange sounds... and... and... they put me in this little cage and put me on this table... There were aliens with big eyes and even bigger hair and they all gathered around me and... did... strange things..."

A clique of believers gathered around the hen, eager for more details, while some of the other hens were quite skeptical. Dierdre is more known for her right-leaning economic theories than for wild tales of supernatural occurrences (although the two are sometimes synonymous, such as in the case of "trickle-down" economics), but she didn't let the naysayers ruffle her feathers. Although she seemingly lacks the empirical evidence she would need to prove her point (not that this bothers most economists, most notably Alan Greenspan), Deirdre was undeterred in her tale-telling. "There was one alien who said he was going to come again in the night and turn our coop into a frothel and casino! I don't know what that means, but we'd better watch out. Next time they rest of you may not be so lucky. They could beam us all up into the light and... and... probe our egg holes while they do their weird alien dances!"

Lee Smith chuckled to himself in the corner.

MechWarrior looked alarmed.

Haunted Coop

An unexplained event occured last week which led many of the chickens to suspect that perhaps the their coop is haunted.

"It was a dark and stormy night," Mother Clucker began. "We were all lined up on our bench, cozy and warm, when we were awoken by strange sounds coming from the far side of the coop. It was almost like a cluck or a coo, but with a bit of a moan mingled in."

"Like the sound a chicken makes. But not," Bartleby Pollywollydoodah added.

"We listened to these sounds all night, off and on, and were quite unsettled by morning," Mother Clucker continued. "The biggest shock of all came when the door was opened and there, on our bench, were two pale creatures who looked like chickens, but much smaller, and sounded like chickens, but with a most unearthly tinge."

"They bolted when sunlight hit them and raced to the far corner of the run," Lee Smith said. "I'm sure that's empirical evidence that we're dealing with supernatural beings."

"We mobilized ourselves into action!" Mother Clucker proudly boasted. "We're not about to let any little chicken ghosts get up in here and contaminate our food with their ghostly essence. We rallied around the feeder and wouldn't let them near our precious grains."

The leghorns, who most resembled the intruders in color and size, were eager to dominate the smaller creatures whether they were ghosts or not. They managed to get in a few good pecks before one of the humans showed up and whisked the chicken-like beings away.

The leghorns disagree that the beings, who called themselves Gladys and FeatherPants, were ghosts.

"You can't peck a ghost," Rampage! said. "I think what we've got here are zombies. Zombies are well known to frequent these parts. Why, just last year there was a zombie infestation and Kid Chaos had to get 'em all in the brain pan. Probably one of those zombies took a bite out of one of these neighborhood chickens and turned it into a zombie chicken! Zombie Chicken! Zombie Chicken!" Rampage! was quite worked up over her theory, almost enough to go on an actual rampage. Most of the chickens still hold to the ghost theory.

"How did they get into the coop while we were sleeping, smarty-pants?" Mother Clucker said tauntingly. "Zombies can't pass through walls."

"Zombie Chicken! Zombie Chicken!" Rampage said, running around in circles.

The New Chicken Steward

Daji the Fox, the newest member of the Masala co-op, has graciously agreed to be the new chicken steward. The details of the stewardship have yet to be worked out, but for now she will be taking on a supervisory role and making sure the chickens basic needs are met. She volunteered to go out back every day and check the perimeter of the coop, just to be sure there aren't any little holes that the chickens might use to escape. "From what I can tell, the perimeter is secure, but if one of you would like to open the door for me, I'll go in and inspect further... to... ah... make sure the chickens are safe." Daji is particularly concerned that predators might get a hold of one, or more of the hens. "If some dastardly creature was able to get in the coop, it would be the end for these plump feathery juicy little birds. All the predator would have to do is dash in, with lightening speed, and sink her sharp teeth deep into the bird's plump... delicious... What was I saying? Oh, yes! It would be a disaster. We must protect the helpless little chickens at all costs!" Daji will give us a report at the next house meeting as to the success of her endeavors.

The Stash

A hidden pile of eggs was unexpectedly found yesterday during a routine search of the coop. One white egg was spotted nestled in the straw on the floor of the coop, behind the leg of the bench, and during its retrieval a total of five white eggs were found. Crystal Meth could be heard moaning in the background, "They stash! The stash! They found the stash!" which only further incriminated the Leghorn, who is known to lay eggs in odd places along with her sister Leghorns (The Knife excepted, of course). The discovery prompted a full-scale raid by BHC officials, who entered the coop later in the day armed with a giant rake and snow shovel. DNA samples, in the form of chicken droppings, along with all lose straw and bits of food were collected and taken to Masala's compost bin, where they will be further analyzed by a team of worm detectives. An undisclosed source said the eggs were probably being hidden from Lee Smith, a notorious egg-pecker, who many of the chickens suspect is actually a human in disguise. The Whig Party, considered to be a key witness, ignored the whole fuss and plopped herself into a hole and gave herself a dirt bath during the raid. When asked to give a statement to BHC officials, she declined comment.

Who's Poopy Now?

MechWarrior still has a poopy butt, much to the delight of Mr. Pants, who spent her formative years being mercilessly teased by the other chickens for that very same condition. Mr. Pants spent the afternoon following MechWarrior around, calling attention to the larger hen's rear quarters. This is a sad case of the bullied becoming a bully. It's amazing what a little taste of power can do to a chicken.

The Best Cubby

The Knife spent a good twenty minutes sitting on Neil Young's head today, while the erstwhile musician attempted to squeeze out her blue egg (in a cubby this time). This cubby, the top left, appears to be a favorite with quite a few of the hens. Penelope was observed later in the day trying to spend some Alone Time in there, when Lee Smith approached and pecked her mercilessly on the head. Eventually Lee Smith snapped Penelope's comb so hard she went tumbling out of the coop. Lee Smith then hopped into the favored cubby and snooped around, probably looking for an egg to eat. Disappointed, she strolled along the perch to make it clear whose territory it was. The Knife hopped up on the perch and was quickly shooed away with a few well-placed pecks to the torso. She flapped away, but not before vowing revenge. The Knife is clearly below Lee Smith in the pecking order, but is quite well respected by the other hens for even attempting to enter the coop after Penelope's awkward displacement. Lee Smith remains unperturbed by any revenge vows, hexes, or stink eyes. "This is my coop, ya hear? I tole you already: I HAVE THE DEED!"